Passing around the scorn

“You get smaller as the world gets big
The more you know you know you don’t know shit
“The Whiz Man” will never fit you like “The Whiz Kid” did
So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know?
It’s OK if you don’t know everything”
— Ben Folds, from the song “Bastard”

So let’s start here, because I really don’t know where else to start.

I usually don’t like to criticize people in the media. I guess that’s just the way I operate.

Of course, I operate this way for a number of reasons. First of all, we all know that there are plenty of people throwing jabs at media members. And really, who wants to join that argument?

Secondly — and I think this is the most important thing — I sincerely dislike the fact that many people seem to refer to the media as one singular body. There seems to be this line of thinking that the “media” is this one huge mass of people. And, of course, they all work in the same way. And, of course, everyone works together in the same room.

Of course, this is an exaggeration. However, I think there’s some truth in that statement, too.

For instance, did you know that “media” is plural?

Yep, it’s the plural form of “medium”. So whenever I hear someone say something like, “the media is” terrible, or “The media is” so biased, I really do start to cringe.

Of course, all of this is not that important. But it did cross my mind today… and that’s where we begin.

So I’m watching ESPN’s “Around The Horn” on Tuesday afternoon. To be honest, I really don’t watch this show that often.

I do enjoy Tony Reali, who seems to be a really gifted TV sports guy. And sometimes it’s nice to get a quick, 30-minute run-through of the bigger stories of the day.

And on Tuesday, believe it or not, “Around The Horn” led off with K-State’s Big Monday victory over Texas. So even though I don’t care much for “Around The Horn”, this did seem to be a nice moment for Kansas State.

I have a personal connection to Kansas State. My parents grew up in Manhattan. My sister went to K-State. And I remember the Tom Asbury and Jim Woolridge years, when K-State took the court with Pervis Pasco, Jeremiah Massey and a bunch of worthless spare parts. Those were tough years.

And now, K-State is back in the top 10, they beat the No. 1 team in America, and for 24 hours, they were the toast of college basketball*.

*And did you see that K-State coach Frank Martin said he’d “destroy” his players if they didn’t come hard at their next practice? That had to be one of the all-time great quotes after a victory, right? Here are the exact words…

“Wednesday, if we don’t come in and compete, I am going to destroy them.”

Tony Reali started by hyping K-State’s win. He mentioned Martin’s quote. He mentioned the fact that the Wildcats hadn’t beaten a No. 1-ranked team since 1994 (Kansas). And he mentioned that K-State’s students didn’t rush the floor — a move that is giving K-State’s students some major street-cred among people who care about such things.

But then Reali had to toss off the discussion to the first pundit, and in this case it was Kevin Blackistone*.

*Let me first say that I don’t want this to come off as a dig at Blackistone. I’ve never met the guy, but I’m sure he’s good people. And the guy is a pretty fine journalist. He’s been everywhere — The Boston Globe, The Chicago Reporter, The Dallas Morning News, and now he’s writing for FanHouse.com. However, I am going to use him as an example in a much larger problem.

Of course, Reali threw it to Blackistone using some hip language like this:

Reali: So, K-State students decide NOT TO RUSH THE FLOOR, you cool with this KB?

Blackistone: Yea. I’m cool with this, Tony. It was a good move. They THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO WIN THIS GAME. K-State has a good team this year. They came in ranked ninth (in the coaches’ poll) and Curtis Kelly — this guy is a great player. He’s a National Player of The Year Candidate. He’s a double-double threat every time he takes the floor.

Now, I’m not sure if you follow college basketball. And even if you do, you probably don’t follow K-State basketball that closely. So let’s take things slowly. But there is one sentence here that I want you to pay close attention to.

“Curtis Kelly — this guy is a great player. He’s a National Player of The Year Candidate.”

Thing is, I’ve been following K-State pretty closely this season. Obviously, I haven’t been following the Wildcats as closely as say, an actual “K-State fan”, but let’s just say that sentence seemed a little off.

Hmm. Let’s look closer. How about we find some stats?

Let’s see here… K-State junior forward Curtis Kelly.

So Kelly, who is in first season at K-State after transferring from UConn, is playing 22.8 minutes per game.

He is averaging 11.4 points per game. So he’s not exactly piling up the points.

The 6-foot-8 Kelly is pulling down 6.3 rebounds per game. Hey, that’s not too bad.

He’s shooting 65.7 percent from the free throw line. He has 47 turnovers against just 24 assists. And how about all those double-doubles he’s recording? It seems he’s had two.

Well, to be fair, he did have 18 points and 10 rebounds against Ole Miss in a K-State loss.

And he did have 11 and 11 against IUPUI. And he did put up 15 and 9 against Xavier.

But according to the information I received from the google machine, that only makes two double-doubles. Hmm.

And to be really honest. He has scored in double-figures in 11 games. Then again, he has scored fewer than six points in four different games.

But let’s go back to that statement one more time.

“Curtis Kelly — this guy is a great player. He’s a National Player of The Year Candidate.”

Now let me slowly take a sip of water, and…(clearing my throat) Really? Really, Blackistone? National Player of The Year?

Now perhaps Blackistone made an honest mistake. Maybe he got some bad information from a friend. Who knows? It’s just one measly comment about some basketball team from Manhattan, Kan. Sure, that basketball team just knocked off the No. 1 team in the land. But can we really expect one man to know every little detail about every team in the country?

I guess that’s the whole point of this little exercise. And it’s the same reason I find myself watching ESPN less and less.

It’s just simply unreasonable to expect anyone to know everything about every sports story in the country. It doesn’t matter if it’s Kevin Blackistone, or Woody Paige, or Skip Bayless, or Kornheiser, or Wilbon, or Greeny and Golic.

All these thoughts were coming together when I thought about that great song from Ben Folds.

“So why you gotta act like you know when you don’t know?
It’s OK if you don’t know everything.”

And yet, all these talking heads on ESPN must know. I mean, they do work for ESPN, right?

Hey, I know it’s there job to go on and talk about the big stories of the day. But just once, I want to hear one of these guys say something like this:

“You know what. K-State played great last night. The home crowd was rocking. Frank Martin is an unheralded guy, and he’s doing a great job building that program. And hey, I didn’t watch the whole game, and I don’t know all that much about this K-State team. But keep an eye on them. They just took down the No. 1 team in the country. And they play Kansas in a week… and that place is going to be crazy.”

There’s one more thing that I find interesting about this discussion. And that’s the fans. Listen, I know I’m speaking in huge generalities, but bear with me. Please.

In general, fans seems to hate their hometown media.

The hometown newspaper is a rag. The local TV stations are jokes. And grown men on message boards seem to spend way too much time discussing how much the local sports radio stations suck.

This seems to happen everywhere.

And yet, fans seem to love the national media*.

*Hey, did you see ESPN.com has a story about us?
Yo, we’re on the cover of Sports Illustrated. We’re the shizz.
Hey, Tony and Mike were talking about us on PTI.
Hey, did you see they mentioned us on Around The Horn?

These words have been said by thousands of fans across the country. Fans of many teams and fans from many cities.

At the same time, the local beat writer at the newspaper is a tool. And all the local radio hosts are idiots.

I have so many personal feelings about this discussion. Yet, at the same time, there’s a little bit of truth in everything.

There are some local media member that are brilliant, and there are some local media members that are less than brilliant.

There are some members of the national media that are phenomenal, and there are some that… well, struggle.

And sometimes, I turn on ESPN and I hear someone say that K-State’s Curtis Kelly is a National Player of the Year candidate.

And then, I just don’t know what to say. But then, I hear Ben Folds and I feel better.

Remember… It’s OK, if you don’t know everything.

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Stuff my Dad can’t say…

Parents do funny things. We all know this. We do. It’s just a fact of life.

Parents do funny things, because they’re – well, our parents.

Yes, they come from some past generation, and the generational divide serves as a major source of comedy. And yes, parents generally become irrational beings when thinking about their own children. And yes, children find unfounded ways to become embarrassed by their parents. These three things are all true.

But there has to be something more, right?

Think about the fact that Homer Simpson is the most popular television character of all-time. Think about Peter Griffin. Think about Chevy Chase in the Vacation movies. Think about Eugene Levy in American Pie.

And think about this: On twitter, @shitmydadsays has 1,099,818 followers.

Is it really because that guy’s dad says so many funny things?

Maybe, in part. But maybe it has more to do with the fact that everyone’s dad says crazy things. Everyone’s dad has funny quirks*. Everyone’s dad is goofy and awkward — and yet, still loveable.

*I once had a friend whose dad wore FUBU shoes. Seriously, FUBU shoes. They really do exist.

My father is my hero. He is one of my best friends. Imagine every good trait a father should have. My father has them all.

That said, it is simply mind-blowing how bad my father is with names. Seriously. It is utterly baffling. He is the Michael Phelps of botching names. I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s really quite amazing.

He terrible at remembering them. He terrible at pronouncing them. Just imagine a person who is laughably inept at doing both of these things. Remembering and pronouncing. And really, what else is there?

Sometimes he’ll mispronounce a person’s name. Sometimes he’ll forget a person’s name. Occassionally — and it doesn’t get any better than this — he’ll forget a person’s name, then at the last moment it’ll pop into his head, only for him to mispronounce it.

He’ll see the last name “Jones” and he’ll say “Johns.” He’ll see the last name McCullough, and he’ll say “McCullick”. He’ll know somebody with the last name “Smith” and say “Smythe.” He’ll meet somebody with the last name “Smythe” and pronounce it “Smith.” He just can’t win.

On Monday morning, he called me to tell a story about a friend with the last name “Pheiffer.” He started the story by saying, “You know my friend, Mike Peiffer?

Uh, Dad. Isn’t his last name Pheiffer?

Yea, yea. That’s it.

In my dad’s world. Mike Brady plays quarterback for the New England Patriots. Lin Kiffin just became the head coach at USC. Paul Gasol plays center for the Lakers. And Dave Duncan plays center for the Spurs.

Yea Rus, remember when Tim Robinson was playing alongside Dave Duncan. How did anybody stop them?.

It’s probably good my father didn’t become a sports broadcaster. I’m pretty sure some crazy fan would’ve tried to take a swing at him.

Restaurants can be a problem, too.

Last year, my family had dinner at “McCormicks and Smith’s”. On the way, he asked my brother, my sisters and I if we’d been to the “Grand Saloon” lately*.

*Nah, we said. We’ve been hanging out at “Ron Fooleries.”

Of course, watching sports together can be difficult. And when there’s a break in the action, that means there are a few minutes to tell a story*.

Dad: Hey Rus, did I tell you I saw… um, well, … I was out buying groceries at… well, you know the place down the street. And I saw, you know, he used to go to school with you?
Me: …
Dad: You know who I’m talking about?
Me: Uhh, maybe?
Dad: Well, anyway. KU looks good. The Morrie twins are playing well.

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Some more Lisztomania (with links)

(Note from the editors… It’s been mighty slow around The Brewhouse lately. No worries. We’re going to try to set a record today with three — gasp, three? yes, three. — posts. Check back for more all day.)

With that in mind, here is another addition of List Mania from The Brewhouse. For those not in the know, List Mania is an ode to former Kansas City Star and current Sports Illustrated columnist Joe Posnanski, who famously wrote lists until one day, many years ago, he wrote a column saying he would never list again…

So here goes…

Five Movies Sequels (or remakes) to Watch For in 2010

1. Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps

Wow, I had no idea this movie was coming out. Oliver Stone’s directing, and Michael Douglas is reprising his iconic role as “Gordon Gekko*.”

*”Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.”

Shia LaBeouf will play a young Wall Street trader, Susan Sarandon plays LaBeouf’s mom, and Josh Brolin will also make an appearance. This one comes out in April

Oh, and yes, Charlie Sheen, who played Bud Fox in the original, will also make a small cameo.

2. Iron Man 2

Watch the trailer for the much-awaited sequel here…

3. Robin Hood

“Gladiator” director Ridley Scott is getting back together with Russell Crowe. Cate Blanchett is showing up, too.

4. The A-Team

Ok, so this is remake of the 1980s television show. Still, watch the old television show opening, and then watch the new trailer. Say what you want about Hollywood, but can anyone really be against this movie?

5. Toy Story 3

It’s been almost 15 years since the original Toy Story changed the way people thought about animated films. Now Woody, Buzz and the gang are back again.

One Sequel We Could Do Without

1. The Karate Kid

Jackie Chan and Will Smith’s son? Come on – you just can’t remake Mr. Miyagi. Yikes.

Six Great Pieces of Journalism From the Last Month

1. The toughest player in ‘real life’ – Bill Reiter, The Kansas City Star

A well-written piece on KU football player D.J. Marshall and his battle with cancer.

2. The Dirtiest Player – Jason Fagone, Esquire

Fagone exposes the seedy underworld of Marvin Harrison’s North Philly neighborhood.

3. As The World Burns – Jeff Goodell, Rolling Stone

Rolling Stone goes inside America’s battle over climate change.

4. A Courageous Cowboy Meets His Crush – Donald Bradley, The Kansas City Star

Bring the tissues. A dying young man gets a visit from a beautiful champion barrel racer.

5. The Thrill of It All – Joe Posnanski, Sports Illustrated

A “badass” profile of Vikings defensive end Jared Allen.

6. Haskell Offers Haven for Hidden Talent – Dana O’Neil, ESPN.com

A great read on the struggles of the Haskell basketball program

One Man’s Midseason College Basketball All-American Team

First Team

1. Duke’s John Scheyer

2. Kentucky’s John Wall

3. Syracuse’s Wesley Johnson

4. Texas’ Damion James (National Player of the Year)

5. Wake Forest’s Al-Farouq Aminu

Second Team

1. Villanova’s Scottie Reynolds

2. Kansas’ Sherron Collins

3. Kansas State’s Jacob Pullen

4. Ohio State’s Evan Turner

5. Notre Dame’s Luke Harangody

The 10 Best Basketball Players in the World (right now)

1. LeBron James

2. Kobe Bryant

3. Chris Paul

4. Tim Duncan

5. Carmelo Anthony

6. Kevin Durant

7. Dwyane Wade

8. Dirk Nowitzki

9. Dwight Howard

10. Pau Gasol

Three YouTube Mixtapes to Watch on a Monday

1. Remembering Pistol Pete

Here…

2. …And Jason Williams – the baller with a bullcut

Here…

3. …And Ricky Rubio, the heir to the throne

Here…

Three Interesting Facts from The NFL Playoffs

1. The last time two No. 1 seeds met in the Super Bowl? Buffalo and Dallas in 1993. And it could happen again this year.

2. Yes, Brett Favre really did sing “Pants on the Ground.”

3. In NFL history, 17 franchises have won the Super Bowl. That number counts franchises that have switched cities. The Colts (Baltimore to Indy) and the Raiders (Oakland to LA and back to Oakland). The Steelers have won six titles. The Cowboys are next with five. The 49ers have won four Lombardi trophies. The Patriots, Packers, Redskins and Giants have all won three times. And the Colts, Dophins and Broncos have all won twice. The seven other teams that have won a Super Bowl title have only won once.

That’s the list. This year, we have four teams left. The Colts and Jets have won titles. The Vikings and Saints haven’t. Here’s hoping Drew Brees and the Saints join the club.

The Five Best NFL Quarterbacks (right now)

1. Drew Brees

2. Peyton Manning

3. Aaron Rodgers

4. Brett Favre

5. Tom Brady

Five questions to ponder on a Monday…
1. What do Tiger Woods and Roger Federer talk about when they get together for drinks?

2. Is anybody (besides Stephen Colbert) excited for The Winter Olympics?

3. Are NBA fans seriously voting for Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady to start the All-Star game?

4. Is Avatar really going to win the Oscar for Best Picture?

5. Do you believe in rock in roll, can music save your mortal soul, And can you teach me how to dance… real slow?

The Ballad of J.R. Richard

There’s a thought that’s been sitting off to the side, like a book on a desk that’s forgotten under a pile of papers. It’s somewhat incomplete, but it has something to do with baseball*, and music, and the things we see — and mostly, the things we don’t see.

*I’m also stewing on a post about the baseball Hall of Fame. Well, it’s not about the Hall of Fame, per se, but it might as well be. If you’ve been paying attention, you know that Andre Dawson was just elected to the baseball Hall of Fame. Sounds fine. I don’t know too much about the guy. His best days were a few years before my time. But I’m going to wager a guess that we remember this Hall of Fame vote as the year Roberto Alomar got royally snubbed. At least, that’s how I’ll remember it. We’re getting to the point where there are Hall of Fame-eligible players, and people my age can actually remember watching these players for their entire career. And to me, that’s interesting. Anyway, the post is coming.

So the other day I was watching the MLB Network* and there was one of those “countdown” shows on. And upon further investigation,I guess MLB network has a show called “Prime 9’s”. This particular show was the about the top nine “Could Have Been Great” players in baseball history. Of course, that’s not what it was called. But you get the point. It was simply a list of the top nine players in baseball history who could have been all-time greats, but — for whatever reason — failed to be.

*The MLB Network really is underrated. It’s channel 199 on my cable provider, so I suppose it gets lost in the shuffle. But I really need to start watching the MLB Network and NBAtv more often.

Rick Ankiel*, the young pitching prodigy, not the average center fielder — he was on the list.

*You know, I’m not sure we celebrate Rick Ankiel enough. Here’s a guy who was a pitching phenom. He, of course, goes into tank and has his crippling control problems. Yet, he rebounds and makes it all the way back to the Majors as an outfielder. Sure, he’s not great. But, wow, what an athlete.

Tony Conigliaro, the Red Sox hitting prodigy from the 1960s who famously took a pitch to the face, wrecking his career — he was also on the list.

Sachel Paige, the Negro Leagues flamethrower who wowed people with the Kansas City Monarchs in the 1930s — he was on the list.*

*Paige was actually No. 1 on the list — and for good reason. But one of my friends made a good point. If Paige is No. 1 (and he’s at No. 1 because he has to pitch in the Negro Leagues during his prime) shouldn’t the rest of the top 10 really be Negro League players as well?

But there was one name on the list that caught my attention. His name was J.R. Richard, and I guess he was a pitcher for the Houston Astros in the late 1970s.

I say, “I guess”, because I’d never heard of J.R. Richard before. Seriously, I’d never heard of him. And it’s not like I’d heard his name in passing, but I didn’t know his story. And it’s not like I’d vaguely heard of him.

I’D NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

And, according to this Prime 9’s program, Richard could have been one of the greatest power pitchers that ever lived.

And, after looking at his stats on BaseballReference.com,
These MLB network folk don’t seem to be that far off.

Richard went 20-15 in 1976 with a 2.75 ERA and a 214 strikeouts. The next season, he nearly had the same exact line. Then in 1978 he went 18-11 with a 3.11 ERA and 303 strikeouts. He followed that up with an unbelievable year in 1979 — 18-3, 2.71 ERA, 313 strikeouts (313!).

But then tragedy struck. During the 1980 season, Richard would have a stroke while playing catch before an Astros game. He would be rushed to the hospital to have a blood clot removed from his neck, and he’d never pitch in the Major Leagues again.

And somehow, I’d never heard this story before.

So I suppose for some people this wouldn’t seem that strange. And I suppose it’s not that odd that a 23 year old wouldn’t know the story of a once-great pitcher who last played 30 years ago.

But for me, it’s different. When I was growing up — let’s say between the ages of 7-13, before I finally discovered girls — I read more about sports than any person could possibly comprehend. I would memorize baseball encyclopedias, I would devour books about the history of basketball, I would sit and memorize the World Series Champions dating back to 1972 (and I can still recite all that information today).

I knew that the Red Sox’s Fred Lynn was named MVP and Rookie of the Year in 1975. And I knew that legendary UCLA coach John Wooden was nicknamed the “Indiana Rubberman” while he was playing college basketball at Purdue. I knew that the NBA was originally called the BAA, and I knew that Harvey Haddix of the Pittsburgh Pirates pitched the greatest game of all time and still didn’t earn a victory. This stuff was my life.

And somehow, I didn’t know who J.R. Richard was. His story was unique and tragic… and I’d never heard of it.

I was thinking about J.R. Richard a few days ago while I was visiting my older brother in Washington D.C. We were taking a break from watching KU play Temple in Philly, and it was freezing out, and so I was sorting through my iTunes. Somehow, I stumbled upon a song I’d never listened too.

It was by The Decemberists, and it was called “Hazards of Love 4 (The Drowned). It was, of course, off their album, “Hazards of Love” from last year.

The song is slow and melodic and spine-tingling. I always sound like some kind of snobby hipster critic when I try to describe songs, but let’s just say the song is phenomenal.

And somehow, I’d never heard this song before.

If you know me, you know that I’m crazy for The Decemberists. I think they’re geniunely great, and I think their lead singer Colin Meloy is fantastic. I have dozens and dozens of their songs on my iTunes. And you know I’ve written about their album, “The Crane Wife”, before.

And somehow, I’d never heard this particular song.

Sure, I’d downloaded the album. I’d listened to a few songs, but I guess I’d skipped over this one. And the rest of the album had left me overwhelmed. So I’d stashed these songs away somewhere in the back of mind, and left them idle on my iTunes playlist.

There is no earthly reason for connecting J.R. Richard and The Decemberists.

J.R. Richard is a hard-throwing Houston Astros right-hander from the 1970s. He had a stroke and never played again.

“Hazards of Love 4 (The Drowned)” is a song from an indie rock outfit from the 2000s. The entire album sold a few copies in places like Lawrence and Austin and Portland.

But both of these things made me think about the things we see — and the things we don’t see. The songs we hear — and the songs we miss. The baseball stories we know — and the baseball stories that are lost.

It seems like these days, we are exposed to so many different forms of media on a daily basis. Sometimes it seems like our senses are simply overloaded.

But what about the things we miss?

What about the stories we don’t hear? What about the books we don’t read? What about the beers we don’t drink? What about the songs we don’t hear? What about the friends we don’t meet?

Of course, most of the stuff we miss is probably inconsequential. Who cares if we miss out on thousands of average songs and books and friends?

But I have to think: There are probably things that are right under our noses, things we would love, things that should be in our lives, things that would are lives just a little bit more enjoyable, and somehow — we miss them.

Or perhaps I’m just floored that I’d never heard of J.R. Richard.

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Tech, tech, tech, tech, nine, nine, nine

Everyone from the Kansas City area has a Tech N9ne story.

There was one time that he showed up in the parking lot at a Saint Thomas Aquinas football game.

He arrived in a massive van, decorated with a mural of his recent album, “Absolute Power.” The car was somewhat out of place. This was St. Thomas Aquinas for a Friday night football game. The parking lot was filled with mothers’ minivans, Leawood* students’ Lexus’s and the car jockeys’ Preludes and souped-up Civics.

*My bad, I mean Leahood.

Tech N9ne styled his hair in orange dreads that night, just like on the album cover/side of the touring van. He didn’t quite fit in.

No, the car, the hair, the fact that Tech N9ne was rumored to have worshipped Satan – it all didn’t quite feel right in a parking lot in a southern Johnson County Catholic school.

But no one seemed to care. A celebrity had come to Aquinas. This was automatically big news, no matter the person. Fran Drescher could have arrived, giving out free DVD’s of “The Nanny,” and we would have thrown a parade.

And here was Tech N9ne. Tech-FREAKING-N9ne at our high school. He was famous. Yeah, he must have been famous. He was Tech N9ne.

That mattered to us.

***

I write this blog now because I just noticed that Tech N9ne has a new CD. I saw it at Best Buy in Dallas on Sunday afternoon. It’s called K.O.D., an acronym for King of Darkness. I don’t expect many people down here will buy it.

They won’t understand it. They won’t understand Tech N9ne. They’re not from Kansas City.

To us, he’s the most famous rapper to ever come out of the city, probably the most famous musician of the last 10 to 15 years, assuming you don’t count David Cook (and I don’t).

When he released his “Killer” album in 2008, Kansas City Star music critic Timothy Finn called it a classic. Jason Whitlock called it the best rap album since Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic.”

It sold 36,000 copies in its first week. That’s certainly not bad, but something hailed as a classic in Kansas City carried little weight anywhere else.

And that makes total sense.

To everyone outside of Jackson, Johnson, Cass and Douglas Counties, Tech N9ne is nothing. He’s a guy who likely seems disturbed given his album covers and song titles. He’s a guy who hasn’t appeared on MTV, who has done few songs with other reputable musicians in this decade. He’s a guy who’s not…famous.

Those of us in Kansas City don’t quite understand that.

***

There was one time a friend of my brother’s hung out with the fast crowd at Shawnee Mission South during his freshman year.

One of the passengers on this night smoked what may or may not have been an illegal substance and didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the group.

He was Tech N9ne.

This story, along with mine from the beginning, should illustrate a bigger point. Think about it. Two times, at least, Tech N9ne was spotted hanging out among people I know in Johnson County.

That doesn’t exactly help out with street cred*. And if you’re interested in becoming a famous rapper, you need street cred, something that doesn’t come easy in hip-hop.

* Whenever people say “street cred,” it’s always “cred” never “credit.” What, does it show a lack of street cred to use the word credit?

You see, rap music is strange in that lame suburbanites such as myself buy the great majority of records. So to become famous and keep your street cred you have to make music that alternately pleases this suburban crowd, yet also alienates them so as to impress the urban crowd.

This can be done in multiple ways.

One, you can include words and messages that lame suburbanites don’t quite understand. An example of this would be the famous song by Lil’ Jon, “Get Low.” He repeated a highly explicit word in the chorus that I will not write because this is a family blog. No one who lived within 10 miles of a cul de sac knew what that word meant until Dave Chappelle hilariously brought this up on his TV show, sending suburbanites scrambling to urbandictionary.com.

Two, you can glorify crime and boast of a criminal background. 50 Cent does this as well as anyone. He talks about how he was shot several times before he got famous. Every once in a while he makes sure to get accused of a minor crime for which he will get acquitted, allowing him to skate off freely yet still put on the façade that he is a gangster/thug.

Three, you can start an imaginary feud with another rapper. Just mention some obscure line that doesn’t quite call someone out, but under the right circumstances could be interpreted that way. Then, six months later, declare that “the beef is on wax,” meaning it was all in good fun and won’t lead to any real fighting.

Tech N9ne didn’t pull this off. At the beginning of his career, he rapped about more standard topics such as repping his neighborhood and visiting far away hoods.

Then he dyed his hair orange. Then he wrote songs like “Slacker” and deeper, almost scary songs like “This Ring.” Then he started showing up in St. Thomas Aquinas parking lots and Shawnee Mission South social functions.

He didn’t hang around 56th and Highland too often.

He made moves that were innovative and bold, but in rap music, where clichés and catchy, formulaic hooks equal money, that’s not how you become famous.

***
Kansas City always wanted Tech N9ne to break through.

Maybe it was because of the way he uttered the name of our city in nearly every song, not to mention outlying places like Lawrence and Cameron, Mo. Maybe it was because he invented or at least popularized the drink, Caribou Lou*.

*That’s 151, Malibu Rum and pineapple juice. And if you are to listen to Tech, you can’t get the party started without it.

Maybe it was because no famous musicians (again, I’m not counting David Cook) have come from Kansas City since the Jazz age.
We knew we couldn’t compete with LA or New York, but other Midwest cities had their artists.

St. Louis had Nelly and even a one-hit wonder from J-Kwon. Omaha had 311. Chicago had Common and Kanye. Denver had India.Arie.

We knew Tech N9ne was our opportunity. So we built him up. We imagined that “I’m A Playa” would be a perfect club anthem, and that yes, the album “Killer” could be a classic.

In the ears of outsiders, the lyrics and beats didn’t sound the same. I remember asking people who lived at my dorm my freshman year in college about Tech N9ne. I would always get the same response. Yeah, he’s OK.

Tech N9ne is OK. That’s the prevailing opinion, not that he is too out there or that he doesn’t have enough street cred, and it leads into the final Tech N9ne story.

There was one time a reporter from Yahoo conducted a Q&A session with Aqib Talib during KU’s dream football season of 2007.
He asked him about the year, asked him about his daughter, asked him about coach Mangino and asked him about music and Tech N9ne.

“Yeah, he’s a Kansas City guy,” Talib said. “I haven’t gotten into him yet. I haven’t lived up here long enough.”

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Decades and music

“It’s like the every other decade theory… The fifties were boring. The sixties rocked. The seventies, oh my God, they obviously sucked. Maybe the eighties will be radical. You know, I figure we’ll be in our twenties. It can’t get any worse.” — Dazed and Confused

I first saw the movie “Dazed and Confused” when I was 10 years old. It was 1996. This of course, was a year when people still rented movies, still popped VHS tapes into VCR’s, and still had to push play.

Anyway, my older brother had returned from a movie-rental place with a friend. And they planned on watching some movie I’d never heard of.

Sometimes I wonder why I remember this night. Nothing eventful happened. Nothing memorable happened.

But I do remember it. I remember watching the beginning scene at the high school. And I remember the next scene when they go to the middle school and yell at Mitch Kramer through the loudspeaker.

I’ve always had mixed feelings about the movie. On one hand, I feel it’s wildly underrated. Richard Linklater directed it. He’s the same guy that directed Before Sunrise and Before Sunset — two masterpieces that I’ve always loved. On the other hand, I feel it’s still pretty flawed and a little bit phony.

*I’m pretty sure that my contradictory feelings stem from my high school experiences. I remember being in high school in Overland Park in the early 2000’s. And for some reason, the kids in the burnout clique adopted Dazed and Confused as their favorite movie. Of course, I was friends with most of these people. But I always thought they were missing the point. They all wanted to drive around and listen to music — like the people in the movie (and when you’re in high school, who doesn’t?). But it seemed like three or four guys started talking exactly like the stoner archetype from the movie.
“Hey, man, you just don’t understand, man. Martha Washington, man, she was a good lady, man. Yea, yea. Yea. Whoa, man.” So, yea, maybe my view of the movie was tarnished.

But here’s the thing: If I’m watching television, and Dazed and Confused comes on — I just can’t turn the channel.

This happened again last Tuesday. Dazed and Confused was on television for the 1,713th time. And I had to keep watching. And that’s when I heard Cynthia, the nerdy redhead from the movie, say that quote about her “Every other decade theory.”

“It’s like the every other decade theory… The fifties were boring. The sixties rocked. The seventies, oh my God, they obviously sucked. Maybe the eighties will be radical. You know, I figure we’ll be in our twenties. It can’t get any worse.”*

*I’m fairly certain that Linklater was trying to add a little ironic humor.
Of course, I can’t remember the 80’s… so I can’t be sure. But I’m fairly certain that most people would never describe the 80’s as “radical.”

I’m not exactly sure why, but on this particular viewing, on this particular night, these words made me think a little deeper.

Maybe it was the chilly winter weather. Maybe it was because it was 1:30 in the morning. But mostly, I think it was because I’ve been thinking a lot about decades recently.

We’ve been inundated with lists the last couple weeks. The Top 10 Movies of the Decade. The Top 500 Songs of the Decade. The Top 10 Moments of the Decade. On and on and on.

And at its core, Dazed and Confused is simply a cheap little piece of 1970s nostalgia. It’s about a bunch of high school kids in 1976. They cruise around town, drink, smoke, and listen to music (for all intents and purposes, they basically listen to a greatest hits collection from the 1970s).

They throw ragers at the local park, attempt to throw keggers in their basements, and shoot pool at the local pool hall.

I’m sure there were a few people that did these kinds of things in the 1970s. For all I know, maybe there were lots and lots of people that did these things. But I’m guessing — in fact, I’m fairly certain — that the majority of high school kids did not do these types of things in the 1970s.

Sure, some probably drank. Some probably smoked. Some probably did illicit drugs. After all, it was the 1970s. But that’s not my point.

And here’s the thought I’m stumbling to get to.

One movie cannot define the youth culture in the 1970s. It just can’t.

But here’s the sad truth. For millions… that’s how it works.

Pop culture — movies, music, television — has totally corrupted our views of the past.

When I think of the 1970s, I think of Dazed and Confused.
When I think of the 1980s, I think of Back to the Future and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Sixteen Candles.
When I think of the 1990s, I think of Empire Records and Can’t Hardly Wait and Clueless and all those other average Generation X films.

And all that pop culture clouds my perception of those decades.

I guess I’ve been thinking about all this as all these “Lists of the Decades” and “Retrospectives of the 2000s” have been coming out.

For some reason, we feel compelled to peel away the complexities from each decade, and repackage 10 years into a nice, short, easy-to-digest synopsis.

The 1920s – a roaring good time with flappers and drinking and excess. Sign me up.
The 1930s – a dusty decade immersed in a depression… and, oh yes, the New Deal.
The 1940s – WAR! …World War II …and the beginning of the Cold War.
The 1950s – A decade of innocence; moving out to the suburbs; the American Dream
The 1960s – A chaotic period; assassinations, protest, civil rights and more war.
The 1970s – Drugs and disco and long hair.
The 1980s – A new decade of excess and yuppies and Reagan and the end of the Cold War.
The 1990s – Microsoft and computers and the Internet and the tech boom.

…And so on.

So what short synopsis will come to define this decade? How will we remember these long 10 years?

Well, if you’re listening, it’s already started to develop.

And I’m sure we’ll hear about 9/11 and the two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. And we’ll remember Bush and Obama – their differences and similarities. We’ll remember Google and the iPhone. We’ll remember Katrina. And we’ll remember the financial collapse.

So I suppose people will remember this decade as a period of struggle. A lost decade of calamitous events. Tragedy and terror and more bad news.

And I guess that’s OK. I’ll remember all those things.

But then, some hot young director will make a movie in 2027 — a piece of cheap nostalgia about high school kids in the 2000s — and I’m not sure I’ll totally be able to recognize it.

Because if you strip away all the stuff that the the 2000s were “supposed to be about,” you might just be left with your own memories and your own experiences.

You might just realize that the 2000s were a pretty damn-good time to be alive.

…And yet, as I try to make sense of the decade, and the things that resonated with me. I’m left thinking about the music I listened to. Each song, each album, each downloaded piece of music helps me reflect on 10 years of memories and friends and growth.

So, to make sense of it all –- and to cure a little Christmas-break boredom, I knew I had to make a list of The 10 Best Songs of The Decade. The only problem… I couldn’t stop at 10.

So here’s 20 songs that shaped the decade. Well, they shaped my decade. And that’s the point. We all have our own 20 songs. Listen to your songs. Don’t listen to everyone else’s.

20. Wilco
The Late Greats
2004

In 25 years, young hipsters will still be wearing Wilco T-shirts. Jeff Tweedy, Wilco’s incomparable frontman, will be ordained a music legend. And Tweedy will be on some stage somewhere, collaborating with some young hip band trying to steal a little of Wilco’s mojo.

And I’ll tell my kids, “You know, I loved Wilco when I was growing up.” I’ll say this because I’ll assume that it will give me some marker of credibility, some points in the coolness quotient. I’ll assume that my kids will care. Of course, we know they won’t

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19. Empire State of Mind
Jay-Z , ft. Alicia Keys
2009

So, I was convinced to replace Jay’s “Roc Boys (And the winner is…)” with “Empire State of Mind”. After all, “Empire” is one of the newest songs on the list.

Of course, it’s one of the best tracks of 2009, and Jay and Alicia performed at the World Series at Yankee Stadium — and that was a great moment.

But I am curious to know what we will think about this song in 20 years.
Will kids be humming it, like they hum “Sinatra’s “New York, New York?” But in the end, Jay-Z — the new Sinatra — had to be on the list.

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18. My Love
Justin Timberlake Ft. T.I.
2006

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17. Road to Joy
Bright Eyes
2005

This is the final track on Conor Oberst’s seminal 2005 record, “I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning.”

…The sun came up with no conclusions
Flowers sleepin’ in their beds
The city cemetary’s hummin’
I’m wide awake, its mornin’

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16. The Needle has landed
Neko Case
2006

She’s one of the best artists of the last decade. She was the lead singer in the New Pornographers — one the most underrated bands of the decade. And her voice is iconic.

Around the time I first started to listen to Neko Case, I was in a record store in Fort Collins, Colo. This song was playing in the background. I asked the guy behind the counter if it was Neko Case. He said, “Yea… I think she’s going to be an all-time great.”

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15. Paper Planes
M.I.A.
2007

It suffered a little bit from being overplayed. But if you weren’t jamming to this song in 2007-08, you just weren’t paying attention.
Simply put, it’s the most danceable song of the last 10 years.

Plus, anytime you can have a hit record with the lyrics, “We pack and deliver like UPS trucks,” you’re doing something right.

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14. New Slang
Artist: The Shins
2001

When I was 17 years old, my older brother took me to a show at Liberty Hall in Lawrence. We saw two bands I’d never heard of. The Rapture and The Shins. When you’ve never heard a band before, it can be hard to totally enjoy their live show. The Shins were different. Within the next year, I had both their albums — “Oh, Inverted World” and “Chutes Too Narrow”.

And then the movie “Garden State” came out. You know, the indie hit starring Zach Braff and Natalie Portman. Of course, it became my favorite movie — mostly because it had three Shins songs featured in it.*

*One time, when I was a senior, I used my nerdy Student Council connections to get like seven kids out of class, and we went to my house to eat lunch and watch this movie.

Well, this song, according to Portman’s character, was supposed to “totally change your life.” I’m not sure it changed anyone’s life — except for Braff’s. But it introduced the world to The Shins. And it made me feel cool because I was a high schooler listening to some quality “college rock.” And that was good enough.

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13. Remix to Ignition
R. Kelly
2003

Here’s why this song is on the list. If you had a time machine, you could travel back to the year 2003.

And if you travelled back in time, you could walk into any high school lunchroom in America, and within a few minutes, you’d hear somebody singing “And after the party, it’s the hotel lobby…”

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12. Fred Jones Pt. 2
Ben Folds
2001

This song is about an old newspaper man who loses his job. It was great in 2001, and it means even more to me now.

Let’s hope people don’t forget about the greatness of Folds’ first solo album, “Rockin’ the Suburbs.”

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11. Whatever You Like
T.I
2008

For me, this song means college. And in 20 years, this song will mean college. And in 30 years, this song will mean college. And when I hear it, I’ll be in college again. And there aren’t many things better than that.*

*Oh, and I guess T.I. just got out of jail. Good for him.

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10. I And Love And You
The Avett Brothers
2009

Haven’t listened to the Avett Brothers? Then you’re missing out on the best rock song of 2009.

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9. Crazy in Love
Beyonce
2003

Here’s my Beyonce story. If you live in Kansas City, you surely know about the radio station 95.7 “The Vibe.” Well, once upon a time, 95.7 decided it was going to try to challenge 103.3 Jamz, the top Hip-hop station in Kansas City. So 95.7 started playing the top 20 hip-hop and and R&B songs in the country. And that was all it played. It was annoying, but at the same time, it was comforting.

For example, if The Vibe was around in 2003, you would have been able to turn to it and hear “Crazy in Love” withing the next 20 minutes… guaranteed. And that’s what I think about when I think of “Crazy in Love.”

You might not want to listen to it forever, but in a decade that was defined by downloading and iTunes and all the rest, it’s the perfect single. You hear it once, and you want to hear it again. And that’s why I liked 95.7 The Vibe. I wasn’t crazy about the music. (Sure, I enjoyed it enough.) But I knew I was going to hear the same 20 songs.*

*Oddly enough, 95.7 still calls itself The Vibe, but it plays Nickelback and other atrocious mainstream rock songs.

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8. This Year
The Mountain Goats
2005

My brother introduced me to The Mountain Goats sometime during the first couple years of the decade. It was essentially one guy, John Darnielle, playing lo-fi, folky, indie-rock. It was raw, and it felt like you were listening to the greatest secret in the word.

A few years later, I was driving on K-10, on my way back to school at KU. This song came on the radio — 90.7 KJHK, the student-run radio station at the University of Kansas. For the next three minutes, I sat and listened. I downloaded the song a few hours later, and it still has the greatest chorus of the decade.

“I am gonna make it, through this year, if it kills me…”

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7. What Am I To You?
Norah Jones
2004

…What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

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6. Do You Realize?
The Flaming Lips
2002

…And instead of saying all of your goodbyes – let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It’s hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn’t go down
It’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

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5. Where’s the Love?
The Black Eyed Peas
2003

This song introduced us to the Peas, to will.i.am, and to Fergie.

Justin Timberlake stops in for a cameo, and against all odds, we somehow get one of the best peace anthems and protest songs of the last 25 years.

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4. The Decemberists
The Crane Wife 1&2
2006

The Decemberists spent the decade spewing out sophisticated indie-rock. Songs with inspired lyrics, and albums with actual themes.

They had a pseudo-rivalry with Stephen Colbert, and they wrote the second-best rock album of the decade (the first is coming up).

Here’s my Decemberists story. When I was in college, I worked at the college radio station. I mostly did sports broadcasting stuff, but occasionally, I’d fill in and do a D.J. shift. Sometimes I’d bring my brother to help me with D.J. shifts. Anyways, one time, my brother decided to play The Decemberists’ song, “The Shankill Butchers,” perhaps the most depressing song ever.

Basically, it’s slow and creepy, and it’s about butchers killing people with cleavers and knives. Like I said, it’s depressing.

So my bro puts the song on, and within two minutes, this really laid back dude calls. He’s real laid-back, talking deep and slow. And it seems the laid-back dude thought we were a real downer. I guess we ruined his day by playing such a depressing tune.

As I recall, he said something like this: “Yo, man… come on guys. It’s just not right. Just not right. You gotta bring people up. Bring ’em up, man. Give ’em some hope. This song is just a real downer, man. A downer, man. I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to do your jobs. But let’s bring a little joy to the world, let’s bring people up…”

It was a strange conversation. But I think the weird laid-back Lawrence townie had a point.

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3. Death Cab For Cutie
Transatlanticism
2003

Not sure who said it, but here’s the greatest way to describe this song…

You just never want it to end.

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2. Hey Yea
Outkast
2003

The most ubiquitous hit of the decades. If Outkast is the artist of the decade — and they just might be — this is their “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.”

Andre 3000 and Big Boi have had their Lennon/McCartney moments, but I really hope we haven’t seen the last of Outkast.

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1. Neighborhood Pt. 1 (Tunnel)
Arcade Fire
2004

You could pick any song off Arcade Fire’s 2004 album “Funeral” to put in this slot. In fact, I almost chose “Rebellions.” But this is the first song, your entrance to the best album of the 2000s.

So go listen to the album straight through, and you’ll never hear music the same again.

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An early Christmas story from Dallas

A common saying people reserve for small towns often goes something like this: If you blink, you’ll miss it.

You could say this about Dallas Academy.

Dallas Academy is a tiny private school north of the city, in the area next to White Rock Lake. The school has all the amenities of modern schools; it’s just exceptionally small. The main building is probably the size of a local restaurant and hides behind a curve on the road and several trees, obscuring it from view.

On Friday, I sped over to Dallas Academy and, of course, had to break and swerve to make the turn when I finally caught the glimpse of the school.

I was there to write about a miracle victory.

***

At about 10 a.m. that day, I got an e-mail from my editor asking me to do a story about this team. As someone new to this job, I knew nothing about Dallas Academy. It’s sort of a general rule about all the work I do as a newcomer to high school sports coverage: I know nothing.

Anyways, in the e-mail, he wrote that their girls basketball team defeated another team that I know nothing about by one point. This mattered because Dallas Academy hadn’t won in EIGHT years.

It gets worse.

Last year, Dallas Academy lost to another private school team 100-0. The coach, Jeremy Civello, talked about how proud he was that his team battled. However, he decided to cancel the rest of the team’s season.

Soon, the story made national headlines.

Good Morning America shot a feature of the team from their home gymnasium, as did the Early Show. A player told me Ellen almost invited them on to her show. Nike sponsored them, giving them a free trip to the NBA All-Star Game. They got the opportunity to sit close to LeBron and Paul Pierce.

I had no idea any of this happened until Friday morning, when I got that e-mail.

I called the school’s principal, who said the team was leaving to go back to the tournament in 45 minutes. So that’s why I sped over there.

I parked in the back of the school, next to two small school buses reserved for the athletic teams, and walked around to the front door.

They were all gathered in the office, in a completely comfortable manner, as if they were a family settled around a fireplace.

They tried recounting what happened on Thursday night. They couldn’t quite do it. Laughter interrupted every single thought.

Four girls began talking at once, then the coach interrupted them and then the principal wanted to say something and then another girl wanted to make a comment about the coach’s husband and he started laughing and then another girl who couldn’t make it to the game said how she couldn’t believe it when one of the players texted her to say they won.

I have never seen a group of more joyous people. You probably don’t believe this, and that is natural.

People in sports often go overboard to describe the routine. Announcers call three-pointers and dunks “unbelievable.” Dick Vitale anoints North Carolina players who average seven points a game “special.”

The over-usage takes away the luster. Miracles don’t mean as much when any comeback victory fits the mold.

So when life intersects with sports and something really is “special” and “unbelievable,” those descriptive words don’t fit.

Friday brought forth that kind of situation. That room was filled with literal bliss. This was your favorite song, the first time you hear it. This was a feeling that transcended words.

But I had to describe it.

My job was to recreate this feeling and put it into 400 words so the miniscule number of people who still read newspapers could experience the joy present in that room.

I tried to describe it. But I know I didn’t succeed. Hemingway couldn’t have. Well, he probably could have. Mere mortals, though, couldn’t.

So instead, I give you the attempt and wish you all could have sat in that glorious room for just a few minutes.

***

DALLAS — Nine victorious girls, a coach and her husband and the headmaster sat in the main office of tiny Dallas Academy on Friday, cramming into small couches and chairs and spilling out onto the floor.

They teased Jeremy Civello, the husband and last year’s coach, for leaving the game early. They recounted how half the boys team met them at Schlotzsky’s afterwards and dog-piled them as soon as they got off the bus. They repeated the word amazing, with major emphasis on the “UH,” often between long bouts of laughter.

If you want a concrete image to describe satisfaction, it was this room.

Dallas Academy defeated Johnson County, 34-33, on Thursday, the school’s first victory in eight years.

The girls laughed freely, the way one would laugh at graduations or weddings, because they could now forget the past. They could forget about the losing streak and last season’s infamous 100-0 loss.

“We had just been waiting to win one game,” senior Teodora Palacios said. “We broke it.”

Given the team’s record, nobody saw this coming, particularly after the first quarter.

Dallas Academy trailed, 9-0. Then the Bulldogs caught fire.

They pulled within seven in the second quarter, and then Lauren Oelke made a half-court shot at the halftime buzzer.

“When I made the half-court shot,” she said, “I lit up.”

Oelke, new to the team this year, scored 31 points, more than double her career high. She made a free throw with under a minute left to give her team its 34-33 lead. From there, they waited for what seemed like an eternity.

Senior Jackie Alas held coach Deanna Civello’s hand on the bench. On the court, the five girls made a stop and then dribbled and passed until the clock ran out.

“That was the best minute they ever played,” Civello said.

When time did expire, Civello said she had never seen her players’ eyes that wide. And of course, the girls screamed. They screamed, expressing an achievement they hadn’t experienced in high school.

“Everybody there watching us,” Alas said, “was like ‘why are they screaming? They won by one point.’ But they don’t understand. We haven’t won in five years.”

As soon as Alas finished her thought, they all reminded her that it had been eight years, and the room erupted with deep laughter again.

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A Christmas fairytale

It’s that time of year again. That time for hot cocoa, and Plaza Christmas lights, and most importantly, Christmas music.

It’s that time of year when you put your iTunes “Christmas” playlist on repeat, curl up with a good book, and reflect on another year.

We’re pretty sure everybody has their favorite Christmas song.

There are people who love listening to Mariah Carey sing about what she wants for Christmas.*

*Believe it or not, all she wants is you.

There are those who love to walk in a winter wonderland. There are those who want to have themselves a merry little Christmas. There are those who turn on Bruce and wait for Santa Clause to come to town.

*“You better watch out, you better not cry…” link to the video…

And there are those who dream of a white Christmas. Of course, all those songs are wonderful in there own way…

But every year, I always come back to one song — “Fairytale of New York” by the great Irish band, The Pogues.

That song –- in all its raw genius –- is Christmas time.

The song, of course, starts off with the famous line…

“It was Christmas eve, babe… in the drunk tank…”

So you know it’s not going to be your normal Christmas song…

But there’s more than that.

The song is about a guy remembering the Christmases he’d spent in New York city with an old flame.

And the song just makes you feel Christmas.

You can feel the wind in your face. You can feel the scarf around your neck. You can feel the Christmas ale on your tongue, and you can smell the Christmas tree in your living room.

And most of all, you can feel Christmas in the city.

“They’ve got cars big as bars
They’ve got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It’s no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me.”

Maybe it’s because I’m Irish, or maybe it’s because I’ve been to Galway Bay, or maybe it’s because there’s something great about putting on a sweater and stocking cap and walking around a big city during the Christmas season.

Or maybe… You can just imagine being there, in this song. And that’s why the fairytale will always play, every December, forever.

“Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night

The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day…”

”…I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you

…And The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing “Galway Bay”
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas Day”

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More List Mania

Listing season is again upon us.

Kids have Chrismukah lists, Kelly Clarkson (or Vanessa Williams, whichever you version you prefer) has a grown-up Christmas list, mom has a longer than usual grocery list, Rustin Dodd just made a Christmas movies list, TIME has end of the year and decade lists and soon so will just about any other form of media.

Everyone loves a good list.

With that in mind, here is a nice December addition of List Mania. For those not in the know, List Mania is an ode to Joe Posnanski, who famously wrote lists until one day, many years ago, he wrote a column saying he would never list again.

So here goes…

Two ideal next jobs for Mark Mangino (not including obvious weight-related jokes, like donut taster)
1. Lumberjack (who’s better at sawing wood?)
2. Stunt double for a movie about “Baby Mangino”

Three places where Mark Mangino need not apply for work (not including obvious weight-related jokes, like a gym)
1. The BCS committee
2. KU Parking
3. Philosophy department (We all know Mangino never deals with hypotheticals)

Three regular songs that sound like Christmas songs
1. Vanessa Carlton, “1,000 Miles*”
2. Michael Buble, “Home”
3. Norah Jones, “Don’t Know Why”

*And this is not because it was featured on one of those old Christmas jewelry/Lexus holiday commercials. Trust me, listen, and you’ll think Christmas.

Four really good modern Christmas songs
1. “Winter Song” by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson
2. “Christmases When You Were Mine” by Taylor Swift
3. “Believe” by Josh Groban
4. “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” by NSync

Five places you never visit once you graduate college
1. The library
2. The student union
3. The rec center
4. Office hours
5. The quad

Six reasons why, if not for Stephen Colbert, no one would have even noticed that the Winter Olympics begin in about two months
1. Usain Bolt and the Jamaican bobsled team didn’t make it.
2. When the water is frozen, Michael Phelps can’t swim as well.
3. Campbell’s got rid of those Nancy Kerrigan commercials a long time ago.
4. Bode Miller hasn’t partied often enough.
5. The Russian judges can’t cause controversy like they used to.
6. They’re in Canada.

Three of the best Kansas City ways to enjoy the Christmas season
1. A drive through Mission Hills
2. Ice skating at Crown Center
3. Dinner at the Plaza

Two people who weren’t considered for flipping the lights at the Plaza on Thanksgiving night
1. Larry Johnson
2. Mayor Mark Funkhouser’s wife

One disturbing, yet entertaining holiday Web site to check out
1. Sketchy Santas

Five college basketball players who are as fun to watch as John Wall
1. Xavier Henry, Kansas
2. Greg Monroe, Georgetown
3. Denis Clemente, Kansas State
4. James Anderson, Oklahoma State
5. Isaiah Thomas, Washington

Four wishes for 2010
1. USA making it out of pool play in the World Cup
2. The ending of the Tiger Woods media frenzy
3. Matt Cassell having a QB rating higher than 34
4. Sherron Collins getting drafted in the first round

Six questions
1. Did he get her a Jared?
2. What happened in Vegas?
3. Did Sarah Palin mean rouge, instead of rogue?
4. How long until one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses writes a book?
5. Could Scot Pollard please replace Greg Gurley on the Jayhawk Network?
6. Do you hear what I hear?

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The 10 Best Christmas Movies. Ever.

The other day I was listening to sports talk radio. Now, I must say that I have a strange relationship with sports talk radio. On the one hand, I find it to be one of the lowest forms of communication known to man. And on the other hand, I sometimes find it enjoyable — I’ve even been known to set my alarm o’clock at a certain time so I can catch a few minutes of The Border Patrol on 810 WHB in Kansas City. And I even hosted my own sports talk show on KU’s college radio station, KJHK, when I was an undergrad.

Like I said, I have a strange relationship with sports talk radio. It can be brainless. Incoherent. Narcissistic. Overly sensational. Angry. And most of all, it can just be rather disgraceful what journalism.

But then I can hear Bob Costas or Dan Patrick, or my boys on The Border Patrol, Nate Bukaty and Steven St. John, and sports talk can be destination radio.

I suppose all mediums can be good and bad. But it does seems like there’s nothing worse than bad sports talk radio.

And at this point, I should probably tell you that this post is actually about The 10 Best Christmas Movies of All-Time. (As you could probably tell by the title. Trust me. It’s coming.)

How’d we get on sports talk radio? Well, because the post started there, and then I got on a roll and started feeling it.

Let’s get back on track. So I’m listening to sports talk radio the other day. I think it was Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN.com. In fact, I know it was Mike and Mike. So there having an odd discussion about Christmas movies. I think I missed the beginning of it. Anyway, they were debating whether the movie, Die Hard, should be considered a Christmas movie.

We’ll get to Die Hard in a minute. And then maybe this will all make sense. But let’s just assume most people have seen Die Hard. I mean, c’mon, who hasn’t?

Well, let’s just say I was utterly blown away (no pun intended). Die Hard is a Christmas movie. This is not even a debate. Yes. It’s an action movie – and an iconic one — but that doesn’t preclude it from also being a Christmas movie.

I suppose it’s a little bit like arguing that Jerry McGuire isn’t sports movie. You know, somebody might say, “Oh, that’s not a sports movie, that’s a romantic comedy/drama posing as sports movie.”

And I suppose that could be the came. But how come it can’t be both.

Die Hard is an action movie that takes place during a holiday party in LA. Its soundtrack features multiple Christmas songs – including Run DMC’s classic tune, “Christmas in Hollis.” So yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

And it was at this moment that I began to think about other Christmas movies. For example: If you made a Top 10 list of the best Christmas movies, which ones would be on it? What would be your starting five? And if you really break it down, what is the greatest Christmas movie of all-time?

In the end, lists are kind of a funny thing. We enjoy ranking things. Even things that are obviously subjective. And I’m not exactly sure why.

But really, the whole purpose is to spur a little thought and discussion. And in this case, to remember the ghosts of Christmas cinema past.

So here goes…

First, we’re starting with two sentimental honorable mentions.

1. To Grandmother’s House We Go
Released: Dec. 6, 1992

Anybody else remember this one? This was a made-for-TV movie that starred the (very young) Olsen Twins. In fact, I’m pretty sure this was their first movie following their “Full House” days. So this gets a mention for a couple of reasons.

1. You could make the argument that this movie kicked off the Olsen Twins mania that would dominate pre-teen pop culture in the late 90s.*

*If you were really trying, I bet you make a case that the Olsen Twins were the real-world precursor to the unstoppable force that is Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. Miley’s career is really starting to parallel the Olsens’. Childhood star. Crossover into mainstream fame. And then a major breakdown flanked by eating disorders, rehab and sketchy older boyfiends. OK, so none of that’s happened to Miley, yet. (We hope.) And we’re praying for you Miley. You can make it!

2. The movie was essentially about a set of twins that felt unloved at home, so they ran off and tried to find their way to their grandmother’s house for Christmas. At least, that’s how I remember it. Anyway the Olsen Twins get kidnapped by some old criminals (including one of the co-stars from the TV show “Coach.”) and (minimal) hilarity ensues. But the classic moment comes at the end when the Olsen Twins are trying to convince a police officer to do a good deed on Christmas Eve, and the Olsen Twins convince him by chanting, “Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve…”
How about this… just watch the chant at 1:45 of this video. (Then check out a cameo from Rebecca Donaldson and Danny Tanner at the end.)

2. A Very Brady Christmas
Released: 1998

This is another classic made-for-TV Christmas movie. All the Bradys get together for a good ol’ fashioned Brady family Christmas.

The highlights?

Bobby is in his 20s and wants to be racecar driver. There’re plenty of awkward moments between Mrs. Brady (Florence Henderson) and Greg Brady (Barry Williams). And at the end, Mike Brady gets stuck in a building collapse. But don’t worry. He’s able to free himself when the Bradys start singing “Oh Come All Ye Faithful.”

Seriously, You can’t make this stuff up.

The only lowlight? The actress that played Cindy Brady didn’t want to take part, so they had to find a replacement.

OK, on to the Top 10.

10. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Released: Nov. 20, 1992
Director: Chris Columbus
Writer: John Hughes

So, yea, this should probably be higher. But we’re sticking it at No. 10 for a few reasons. And you’ll see one of those in a minute. But this is still one of the highest-grossing films of the 90’s. It also features one of Rob Schneider’s original on-screen roles… Just a great movie.

…And it’s filled with classic lines.

“My family’s in Florida, and I’m in New York?

“Do you guys mind if I work on my cannonballs?”

“You know Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor?”
“The vaccum guy?”

And then there’s the best one — the memorable scene in the hotel when MaCauley Culkin uses the Talkback to order the Plaza hotel room…

“(In slow-motion) Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I’d like a hotel room, please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key… credit card? You got it.”

Add in the feel-good scenes with the homeless bird lady in the park, and it’s definitely in our top 10.

9. Scrooged
Released: Nov. 23, 1988
Director: Richard Donner
Writers: Mitch Glazer and Michael O’Donoghue

Anytime you have Bill Murray starring in a modern remake of “A Christmas Carol,” — well, you know it’s going to be good.

8. The Nightmare Before Christmas
Released: Oct. 29, 1993
Director: Henry Selick
Writer: Tim Burton

This is just a solid movie. But there are two things that really propel it to the eighth spot on the list.
1.) It has groundbreaking animation, and… 2.) It has an award-winning soundtrack and score written by Danny Elfman.

And the highlight of the soundtrack is Elfman’s catchy tune, “’What’s This?”

Listen to it once… and you’ll be hooked.

7. Die Hard
Released: July 15, 1988
Director: John McTiernan

We talked about. And we could write for days about this movie. It’s that groundbreaking, that important… and that much fun to watch.

“Now I have a machine gun, ho… ho… ho.”

Think about this…

How many movies in the past 20 years revolved around a seemingly normal guy single-handedly foiling a large group of terrorists, soldiers, bad guys, etc?

Really, think about it — Speed, Under Siege, Passenger 57, Sudden Death, The Rock. And so on.

And if you need more proof that it’s a Christmas movie, just watch the ending credits.

6. Miracle on 34th Street (Original)
Released: May 2, 1947
Director: George Seaton

Miracle on 34th Street (Remake)
Released: Nov. 18, 1994
Director: Les Mayfield

Let’s just say this: If we all watched the endings of both “34th Street” movies on a continuous loop, I’m pretty sure the world would be a better place. Here’s the trailer.

5. White Christmas
Released: October 14, 1954
Director: Michael Curtiz
Writers: Norman Krasna and Norman Panama

Now we’re getting to the classics.

And let’s break it down. Here’s what you have with White Christmas.

You have two legendary entertainers — Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye — at the top of their games.

You have a classic musical number after classic musical number.

Simply put, you have a slice of 1950s Americana, a portrait of when the world was a simpler place – or at least, it seemed that way.

(To be honest, this is a little bit of a sentimental choice. My family used to watch this movie together every December around the holidays. Here’s guessing my family has your family beat in the cheesy/lame family category.)

And in the end, you have the song

4. A Christmas Story
Released: Nov. 18, 1983
Director: Bob Clark
Writer: Jean Shepherd

It kills me. That this is four. It just kills me. But what are you gonna do?

Here’s the funny thing: This movie didn’t have a lot of success in the theaters. In fact, it got a lot of negative reviews.

According to some critics, it had something to do with the movie being directed by the same guy that directed Porky’s*.

*Man, what a career that guy had.

But finally, by the mid-1990s, the movie was a staple on the cable movie channels during the Holidays. And in 1997, TNT started airing “24 hours of A Christmas Story” on Christmas Eve. By 2004, the marathon had moved to TBS and we’d never look at Ralphie the same again.

Here’s another funny thing: I’ve probably seen every part of this movie over a dozen times. But I think I’ve only sat down and watched the movie straight through once or twice.

Sorry Ralphie.

But there really are so many wonderful scenes.

When the Dad gets the leg-lamp in the mail… “It’s a major award.”

When Ralphie finally gets the B.B. gun, “You’ll shot your eye out.”

Any scene with Scut Farkus.

When they go to the Chinese restaurant… “Fararara ra ra ra ra”

But for some reason, the flagpole scene has always been my absolute favorite. Raphie’s friend, Flick, of course, gets his tongue stuck to the flagpole at recess. But my favorite part comes when the kids go back inside, and Ralphie’s teacher asks where Flick went.

The narrator’s voice slays me every time.

Ralphie: (in Narrator’s voice) Flick? Flick who?

3. Love Actually
Released: Nov. 14, 2003
Director: Richard Curtis
Writer: Richard Curtis

OK, here’s the question. This is the most recent movie on the list. So what will think about it in 25 years? Will we still consider it a classic Christmas movie. I say, yes.

And not only is it one of the best Christmas movies ever, I’m saying this is one of the best 10 movies of the 2000’s. It’s that good.

(Or maybe I just love British accents.)

Anyway. The ensemble cast is perfect. The interweaving plot lines are perfect. And Kiera Knightley is perfect.

And this scene (yes, you know the one) is perfect.

2. Home Alone
Released: Nov. 16, 1990
Director: Chris Columbus
Writer: John Hughes

…And this was the reason we were a little hard on Home Alone 2.

Here’s the thing about Home Alone… Give me a more memorable and iconic movie for people between the ages of 20 and 30. You can’t.

Really. This is the one.

For our generation, it’s The Lion King, Toy Story and Home Alone. Those are the three. And if you’re a boy, you probably throw The Sandlot in there, too.

Say the following word to anyone under 30… “Buzz’s girlfriend, woof.” … and they’ll know exactly what you’re talking about.

Of course, this is my all-time favorite scene.

On the plus side, this movie gave us MaCauley Culkin. And in turn, that gave up Culkin’s peformance in Michael Jackson’s “Black and White” video. Thank you, MJ.

1. Christmas Vacation
Released: Dec. 1, 1989
Director: Jeremiah S. Chechik
Writer: John Hughes

This. One. Has. It. All.

Comedy. Heart. Family. And the greatest Christmas rant ever.

And how about John Hughes? We’ll miss you, John.

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