The Theory of Moderation (Or how I learned to rip things): Volume II

Back a couple months ago, I mentioned this story. It’s about this old maxim my brother used to say. I’m pretty sure he didn’t come up with it. At least, I don’t think he did. But I always think about it whenever I feel guilty about doing something.

The quote, in and of itself, is about moderation. But really, it’s about everything else.

“I live my life by the theory of everything in moderation,” he would say. “But to truly live out this creed, you also have to exercise moderation in moderation. So, every once and a while, you have to embrace extreme debauchery.”

I always liked these words. 

As I mentioned at the time, I was thinking about all this one day while I jotted down a couple of thoughts running through my head. These were things that were annoying me. Things I wanted to put on blast – real shock-and-awe-type stuff. Thing is, it’s just not in my nature to complain or whine or rip into things that are stupid or ridiculous.

Some people have that cynicism gene. I don’t. And this is where those thoughts about moderation are so important.

Everything in moderation. Even moderation.

So, skepticism and snark, lace up your skates, you’re going in. We’re back with the second edition of an exercise we’ll call, “You know what’s really annoying?”*

Today’s culprit:

Dogs on Facebook. The other day, I opened my Facebook account and scrolled down my newsfeed. Here’s what I saw: A dog. A YouTube music video. A dog. A sleeping dog. A link to an election story (with obligatory snarky comment). An engagement photo (punctuated by some annoying comment: “Wow, look at that rock!“). A dog. Another dog. And, yes, that’s right, another friggin’ dog.

C’mon, people.

It’s 2012, and technology is ridiculous these days. Most of us walk around with small little computers in our pockets, phones that are more powerful than desktop computers from 10 years ago, or the lunar module from Apollo 9. Nowadays, we’re always online, sharing info and news, emotions and life.

And you’re telling me that cute dog photos are the best we can do?

Here’s the thing: I love dogs. Love them. My roommate has a dog. A beautiful mutt. She’s big and friendly, and at least three times a day she’ll make a face that makes me want to snap a photo and hold onto that moment forever. But you know what? I don’t. Because all dogs are cute. My roommate’s dog is not unique. Your dog is not unique. More to the point: You can care about your dog. But I don’t. Fantasy football? Same thing. Dreams? Ditto. Get it?

Listen, I understand that most 20-somethings don’t have kids. Instead, we have dogs. And we want to show that we’re growing up. Look, I have my own dog. I feed him. And take care of him. Look at how responsible I am. And now look at this hilarious face he made!

You know what? That’s shit. We can do better.

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